Had or Have?
by IncognitoWriter
Summary: Pepper is dating someone else, but it's not working out...mostly because he's not Tony. Pepperony one-shot.


******I'm having some issues with the ending of my next story so I thought I'd post another random oneshot that I wrote a while ago. Set some time after the first movie, Pepper is dating but it isn't working out. Hope you like it, please read and review!**

** Disclaimer: I don't own any of it.**

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For the first time in about a decade, she was dating, and somehow Tony was oblivious. It'd been two months but it had felt like years. Time just seemed to drag on and she knew it wasn't right.

As she sat at dinner with him, her mind was elsewhere. What her date didn't know is that it had been that way on just about every date they'd been on. She was trying, really trying, but it was useless. She was inexplicably hung up on Tony. Sure Andrew was nice enough. Shit, who was she kidding, he was perfect- gorgeous, amazingly sweet, and a doctor. And with a busy schedule of his own, he was always understanding of hers.

"Sweetheart? Pepper, are you ok?"

"Hmm? Oh sorry. I guess I just zoned out there for a sec."

"It's ok. You're tired, I should take you home."

"Yeah, maybe that'd be best. Long week, I'm sorry."

"I understand, Pepper," he said sweetly and stood up to help her with her coat.

"Thanks, Andrew."

As they pulled up to her house, Andrew looked over at her and saw that she was distressed, her mind far, far away.

"Pepper, are you sure you're ok?

She shrugged, leaning over to kiss him gently. "Just a lot on my mind. I'll call you tomorrow." She unbuckled her seatbelt and he came around to her door to open it for her.

"Ok. Goodnight, sweetheart," he said, leaving her with a kiss on the cheek.

"Goodnight, Andrew," and she unlocked the door and walked into her house, slumping down on a couch in her living room.

_Waiting for someone to put you together  
__Waiting for someone to push you away  
__There's always another  
__Wound to discover  
__There's always something more  
__You wish he'd say  
__He is everything you want  
__He is everything you need  
__He is everything inside of you that you wish you could be  
__He says all the right things  
__At exactly the right times  
__But he means nothing to you and you don't know why_

_

* * *

_

She couldn't stop thinking that night and was still awake when her alarm went off at 5:30. As she sat at her desk around 9, she sighed and dropped her head into her hands. It wasn't fair to either of them to continue the charade just for his sake. Staying in the relationship just to be noble and not hurt him wasn't any good for anyone. Her heart belonged to someone else. An impossibility, but nonetheless, such was her reality. "Ugh, I can't do this anymore!" she huffed.

"What can't you do?"

She looked up quickly, regaining her composure. "Tony. Don't you knock?"

"Since when do I_ need_ to? And what can't you do anymore?" he repeated.

"It's nothing," she said flatly, straightening up her desk.

"Because if it's work here, then I'm afraid that's too bad, Potts, because I really can't let you leave," he said with a smirk.

"This has nothing to do with you, Mr. Stark." She rubbed her forehead, feeling the headache beginning, both literally and metaphorically. Then her voice fell and what she said next wasn't meant to be said out loud at all, and after it had there was no way to take back the honesty she had exposed. "Actually it does but that's my problem," she said in a voice barely louder than a whisper.

"Excuse me? You're having a problem with _me_?" he asked curiously.

"Almost everyday but that's irrelevant. Forget I said anything, it's not important."

Though the look in his eyes suggested he desperately wanted to press her for a better answer, he left it alone. "If you say so, Potts," he said with a shrug.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a meeting to attend and so do you. And please try not to cause any problems, I actually need to leave here by 5 today."

"Yeah?"

"Yes."

"Hot date?" he asked with a smirk.

"Um, not exactly," she stalled. "A friend of mine is breaking up with her boyfriend later and I promised to hang out with her after."

"Ah, girl talk then. Have nice evening."

* * *

Later at lunch she called Andrew while she still had the courage to do so. "Hey, how are you?"

"Ok, rough day." He sounded stressed and she felt bad. Apparently he was already having a bad day and she was only going to make it worse.

"Listen can we do dinner tonight instead of tomorrow?"

"That should be fine. Everything ok?"

"Mhmm, I just need to talk to you."

"That sounds…ominous, Pepper," he said hesitantly.

"It'll be ok." She didn't know if that statement was more directed at him or herself. "I gotta go but 7 at that place we went to last week?"

"Yeah that's fine. Have a good day."

"Thanks, Andrew. You too."

"This is going to be awful," she said as she hung up the phone.

Later that evening, she arrived at the restaurant she had told him. She saw him at a table already and walked over to him.

"Pepper, you look beautiful," he said as he stood up to kiss her.

She shifted her head and his kiss landed on her cheek rather than her lips. "I'm sorry, Andrew."

"It's ok," he said with a weak smile. He pulled her chair out for her and they both sat. "I've seen it coming for awhile. You're amazing, Pepper, but your heart isn't in this."

"You're not mad?" she asked hopefully.

"I want to be, but you can't force someone to love you no matter how much you care about them. Things just happen the way they're supposed to I guess."

Being the gentleman that he was, Andrew let them skip dinner, leaving her with a kiss on the cheek and she went home to cry over impossibilities.

* * *

The next day, Tony found her in the same position at her desk as the day before, only this time he could tell she was upset. While she looked quietly composed, he knew her better than that and thought otherwise.

"Potts, are you sure you're ok?" he asked, his voice seemingly full of legitimate concern.

"Yeah, just stressed out," she replied with a sigh.

"About your friend's break up?" he asked confused.

"My friend? What are you talking abo-" She realized too late what he was talking about, remembering her lie from the day before. "Shit," she whispered under her breath as she figured out she'd given herself away.

The look on her face finally registered and once he figured in the random phone calls over the past month or so…"Oh my god," he said quietly. "It was your break up! You've been dating? Since when?"

"You're an _asshole_," she spat angrily.

"I'm not sure you're allowed to talk to me like that, Miss Potts." He smiled, but then it faded back into a look of genuine concern. "Pepper, I'm sorry. Are you ok? Do you need to talk?"

"I can't talk to _you_ about it."

"Why?"

"I just can't. Please just leave it alone, Mr. Stark."

He shrugged. "Fine. If you need to talk, I'm here. Board meeting, see you later, Miss Potts," and he left without another word.

* * *

A week later, she didn't seem to be any better. One afternoon around lunch, he stormed into her office, carrying what looked like bags of take out, and closed the door behind him.

"Alright, Potts. I brought Chinese and we're going to sit and talk whether you like it or not. It's been a week and you're still moping around like you lost the love of your life," he said, flopping into one of the chairs in front of her desk.

"You have no idea," she murmured under her breath.

"See, what is that? All these random, offhanded comments, most of which seem to be directed at me."

"I really did ask you to drop it, Mr. Stark."

"And cut it with the 'Mr. Stark' shit. It makes me feel old." He started opening the bags of food, pulling out chopsticks for both of them and setting the containers out on her desk. "Now pick what you want to eat and then spill because I'm not leaving until you talk."

"I'm serious, _Tony_. I can't talk to _you_ about this," she said with a sigh.

"Why? Because I don't really have any relationship experience per se? Doesn't mean I can't listen. I'm not a _total _ass, Pepper. So tell me, who was he?"

She set the carton of beef and broccoli she had picked up aside and dropped her head to her desk. "Andrew," she mumbled.

"Andrew…" he said expectantly, gesturing in circles with his hands.

"He's a doctor, a friend of a friend."

"_And_?" he whined impatiently through a big bite of his orange chicken.

"And what?"

"And everything! How long were you dating? I still can't believe I didn't know by the way."

"I can, you're not exceptionally observant when things don't directly involve you. And about two months."

"Ok, why'd you break up with him?"

"How do you know I broke up with him?" she asked slowly with a raised eyebrow.

"One- you kinda gave that away with your whole friend excuse. And two- who would break up with you?" he said with a soft smile.

Her heart stopped for a second and then it just ached.

"I think there's a song like that. Something like, 'the guy that says goodbye to you is out of his mind' I think."

She stared at him wide-eyed. "Yeah, there is…but why on earth would _you_ be listening to Griffin House?"

He shrugged and took another bite of food. "Don't worry about it. So what happened?"

"Well, um, there was somebody else."

The expression on his face was priceless- his eyebrows narrowed and utter rage overcame him as he looked like as though he was about 30 seconds away from beating the shit out of somebody. "He _cheated_ on you?"

"What? No! He was perfect."

"So he was boring," he said flatly, slowly relaxing back in his chair.

"Not really. I dunno."

He shrugged. "Perfect is boring. Anyways, somebody else?"

"Oh, um, yeah."

"_And_? Potts, you are _terrible_ at this conversation thing!" he said with a laugh.

She squirmed in her seat a little as it became apparent that he wasn't going to let it go. "Tony, I have a lot of work to do. Can we just not talk about this anymore?"

"No dice, Pepper. Tell me what happened. You broke up with him so something must have happened."

"No, he didn't do anything, ok? It was me."

"Ooooook….so what did _you_ do?"

She sighed and turned her chair to look out the window. There was no way she was getting out of this and if she had to say it, she sure as hell wasn't saying it to his face.

"I just couldn't do it anymore. He was amazing, but there was nothing there. And I…I have," she caught herself quickly. "I mean I had feelings for someone else."

There was something in her tone, the way she wouldn't look him in the eye, that told him she might be talking about him. It was a long shot, but he had to know. "Had or _have_?" he asked slowly. Immediately after the words left his mouth he realized that the answer wouldn't really clarify whether she was talking about him. Still, after working together for nearly 10 years, he could read her pretty well and he figured he had a shot at figuring this out.

"Why does it matter?" she asked, turning around to face him.

"I think you know why," he retorted, suddenly very serious. "Had or _have_, Pepper?"

She looked down at her desk to avoid his eye-line. "Have."

"Good to know," he said with a nod. His face was unreadable and it made her nervous. "I have to go do something but I'll be back in a few. Don't go anywhere, ok?" and he was already out the door before she had a chance to respond.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, he was back in her office.

"So," he said as he strode back in, closing the door behind him.

"So," she repeated, looking up from her computer.

"Have, huh?"

"Yeah," she said slowly, eyeing him with confusion.

"Cool," he said with a slow smile. "Me too," he said plainly as he rocked back on his heels.

She couldn't help but laugh. It was such a Tony way of saying that he had feelings for someone.

"So I hope you're not still hung up on…shit, what was his name? Andrew? God, maybe I am a terrible listener."

She smiled at him. "Yes, you are. Where'd you go?"

"Oh, when I left? I cleared my schedule for the rest of the day," he said with a smirk.

"I could have done that."

"Ah yes, but you _wouldn't _have. Come on, I cleared yours too. Grab your stuff and let's go."

"Where?" she said, totally confused.

"Coffee. Isn't that what people do? Sit and drink coffee and discuss life and other absurdities?"

She should have been angry with him for cancelling all their meetings but it was ind of sweet, and yet again a very Tony way of doing things. She laughed, "I guess so." She stood up and, surprising even herself, started collecting her things to leave with him.

"Good, because I very much want to discuss this whole 'have' idea and its implications, most importantly on my currently non-existent sex life," he said with a wink.

For a second she had actually thought he was being serious but his obnoxious comment had brought her right back to reality, and with it all the reasons screaming in her head that this was a terrible idea. "Ok yeah no. If that's your motivation for this conversation you can forget it," she said angrily, slamming her things back down onto her desk. "Damn you, Tony."

"Pepper, I'm kidding, I swear," he pleaded as he walked over to her chair quickly, leaning his hip on the edge of her desk next to her.

"The problem is you're not, Tony," she replied, her anger for letting herself foolishly believe him radiating.

"Ok, I wasn't _totally_ kidding. But that's not my motivation for this conversation at all, I swear." He reached out to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear reverently. "I said I love you and I meant it."

They both froze. Her eyes went wide and he could feel them bore into his.

She was the first to regain the ability to speak. "Um, no, no you didn't. You only said 'have.'"

He scratched his forehead and mussed with his hair nervously, taking a few steps away from her. 'Shit. Well, that just kinda slipped out, now didn't it?' he thought to himself. "Huh. Well, there's that then too I guess."

But she didn't say anything, just stood there staring at him in shock. 'He loves me' was the only thought running through her brain, and by his demeanor, she was pretty sure he actually meant it. The impossible had become reality and it was all too much for her to process.

"Pepper, please say something. Anything," he begged. "What I really want to do is kiss you right now but I think the appropriate thing to do would be to wait for some kind of response."

"I…you…" she stumbled, unable to form words, baffled by his latest admission.

"Fuck it," he mumbled as he walked over to her and took her face in his hands, capturing her lips with his own.

A million thoughts flooded into her head, but the moment their lips connected, they all faded away. Andrew was sweet and kind and pretty much the perfect guy. But Tony was right- perfect was boring. She didn't want perfect, she wanted_ this_.

"So you love me?" she asked with a smile as she pulled back, leaning her forehead against his.

His responding smile was a thing of beauty. She couldn't remember the last time he had looked so purely happy. He stood up straight and pulled her into his arms, looking into her eyes. "Yeah," he replied quietly.

But before it even had time to sink in, they were interrupted.

"Miss Potts, those new invoices are in and, and, um-" stammered a frazzled secretary as she entered Pepper's office, clearly noticing one Pepper Potts currently in the arms of one Tony Stark, both of them smiling like fools.

"Shit," he murmured as Pepper slipped out of his arms quickly, and feebly, attempting to hide behind him. 'What am I doing?' she thought bitterly to herself as she cowered behind him like a thirteen year old hiding from her angry parents.

"Um, Miss Kinzy is it? Please leave them on her desk and she'll take care of them tomorrow. And with your discretion comes an additional bonus this month," he said plainly.

"Yes of course, Mr. Stark," she said hesitantly, placing the files on Pepper's desk and quickly vacating the room, closing the door behind her.

As she heard the door close, her head fell forward to rest on his shoulder and she let herself lean against him.

He sighed, then turned around, holding onto her forearms. "Ok, so we were leaving?"

She nodded and smiled shyly. "Yeah. But I don't think heading out to a Starbucks is the best idea anymore."

"You know, I have a pretty decent espresso maker."

"So I've heard."

"Then let's go. I really do want to talk, resolve the whole 'have'/love bit," he said with a grin.

"You planning on taking that second part back?" she asked cautiously as they headed out of her office.

He stopped in front of the elevator. "Why should I if I meant it?" he said seriously.

"Good. Because me too," and she leaned over to kiss him quickly.

Tony glanced over her shoulder at the secretary who had interrupted them earlier who was desperately trying to pretend that she hadn't seen anything.

"You've seen nothing, Miss Kinzy," he said to her with a smirk.

"Of course not, Mr. Stark," she replied, not looking up from her paperwork.

They entered the elevator and she leaned against him, his arm around her.

"So…you too?"

"Mhmm."

"Huh. Cool," he said with a smirk.

"Oh shut up," she said laughing and she playfully hit his shoulder as they broke apart and walked through the lobby out to the car.

As they slid into the back of the Bentley, she resumed her place at his side and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

* * *

As they walked up to the mansion, he looked over at her. "Coffee?"

She turned to face him, placing her hands on his chest. "You know what? I think we've done enough talking for awhile."

His eyes went wide at the possibility of what she was implying. "Yeah?"

"Down boy," she said with a laugh. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves," and she led him over to sit at the kitchen table. After they had sat there for a few moments, she spoke softly. "I decided I don't want perfect. I want you."

He smiled warmly at her and started to speak only to have her cut him off almost immediately. "C-"

"I swear to God if you say 'cool' one more time, I'm leaving you for someone who doesn't have the vocabulary of a middle schooler."

"How about stunning, brilliant and exquisite? You are, that is."

"Better," she replied with a soft smile.

He sighed deeply as he moved his chair next to hers, closing his eyes and wrapping his arm around her tightly, simply taking in the moment. He was quiet for several minutes, and when he finally responded, his voice was soft and full of sincerity.

"Last week, when I found out you had been dating, I got so ridiculously jealous. Which is stupid because you broke up with him. Actually you broke up with him for me so that's pretty awesome but still. Anyways, you're amazing, and I will do everything in my power not to fuck this up."

She didn't respond to his admission, merely smiled and kissed him softly.

"So you're going to be ok, dating_ The_ Tony Stark and the infamous Iron Man?"

She shook her head. "No."

"What?" he asked, shocked by her response.

"I'm not going to be dating Iron Man or the infamous Tony Stark. Just Tony."

He considered her seriously for a minute. "Pepper, it doesn't work like that," he said softly.

She looked down. "I know, but it does in my head. Just Pepper and Tony." She looked back up at him smiling. "Though, I would love for the ridiculously rich Tony Stark to take me out to dinner tonight."

"That can be arranged. One of the benefits of dating a billionaire, you know," he said with a grin. "But I thought…you don't want to keep this quiet?"

She gestured noncommittally, shrugging her shoulders. "I don't care. I want you and the publicity is part of you. Sneaking around is fun but I don't really want to hide like we have something to be ashamed of. I'll adapt."

"You are amazing," he said, truly beaming.

"So I've been told."

* * *

After dinner, they ended up sitting on his couch, talking for over an hour. As the night went on, they ended up lying down with Pepper draped across his chest sleepily.

"Remember that song I mentioned earlier?" he said softly, breaking the silence.

"Song?" she asked as she shifted to face him.

"You know, the Griffin House one."

"Oh yeah, what about it?"

"I may be crazy but I'm not crazy enough to let you go."

She laid her head down on his chest, not knowing what to say.

"I mean it, Pepper," he said quietly as he kissed the top of her head. "This is it. I'm done. We could get married tomorrow if it'd prove to you I'm serious."

"Not necessary, Tony. Though, I appreciate the sentiment immensely. How did you come across that song by the way?"

He looked away sheepishly. "Um, sometimes I steal your iPod."

She laughed into his shoulder, shaking her head. "You would."

He smiled. "I mean, most of it's shit of course," he said with a grin. "But that one stuck with me."

She smiled. "Oh really? Any others?" she asked curiously.

He nodded. "A few." Suddenly he turned his head to face the ceiling. "Jarvis? Open playlist 'Pepper,' song five. Keep it low, please."

Suddenly, she heard the opening bars of a song she knew well.

"Tony?"

He pulled her closer and sang softly in her ear.

_On a night like this  
__I could fall in love  
__I could fall in love with you  
__In this dark so dense  
__We talk so soft  
__The way young lovers do  
__The day's last sight  
__Turns to cool night's breeze  
__And this love hangs thick like these willow leaves  
__I've hid myself away from this  
__But your silhouette is the Judas kiss  
__On a night like this  
__The moon sits still  
__And the stars are watching too  
__The way you move is a lullaby  
__I could fall in love with you_

She felt her eyes well up as he sang and she wrapped her arms around him tighter. "I love you," she whispered into his neck.

"I love you, too."

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**Hope you liked it! Please read and review. **

**Lyrics from Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon and On a Night Like This by Dave Barnes (and the one Tony mentions is indeed The Guy That Says Goodbye to You is Out of His Mind by Griffin House)**


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